A zombie is "the living dead", people who have died and than have been reanimated (or, more simply, rose from the dead).
They experience no pain and have no other thoughts than to simply devour the living. They have no recolection of past lives,
so, except under extremly rare circumstances, they will not respond to loved things or people.
How Do You Become A Zombie?
You can become a zombie three ways, (1) by being bitten by a zombie, (2) zombie blood getting into your bloodstream (yes they
have blood), or (3) by contracting the disease itself (read paragraph below on Zombititus).
You see, the zombie transformation is actually a virus called "Zombititus". It spreads much like AIDS, but is believed (by
experts such as myself) to have originated in tombs of the ancient Egyptians. When archeologists and grave robbers began
disturbing the sleeping mummies, they also let loose a dormant disease that has come back with vengance.
What Are The Symptoms Of Zombititus?
Zombititus has a few obvious symptoms. First, the infected area (if you are bitten) turns black. You begin to feel
delusional and are unaware of what is going on. You find it diffucult to perform even the simpilist of tasks. Your bodily
functions slow down, and your mind deteriorates. Eventually you die (this can all happen in as long as two days, or as short
as two hours depending on the severity of the bite). Once you are dead, the disease continues to eat away at your body, like
a rapid decompisition (once again, this can take up to two weeks or it can happen in a few hours). When all life has been
destroyed, the corpse is revived (often times, it has already been buried, which is where zombies rising from their graves
came from), and the monster goes on his killing spree.
How Can I Protect Myself From A Zombie?
Protecting yourself is actually quite simple. The easiest thing to do (if faced with one or two) is to run away and get to a
safe shelter. Don't worry about trying to run like an Olympic Athlete, zombies can not run, and they can't walk very fast
either. Therefore, you can easily escape one without tiring yourself out. Just remember the story about the tortise and the
A safe shelter would be, preferably, a tornado shelter or bomb shelter, but as not everyone has the luxury of a steel and
concrete bunker hidden in their backyard, it is best to improvise. In your home, barricade all doors and windows in the
house, making sure that nothing can break through. Keep all the necesities needed to survive near you, including a gun.
That way, if a zombie does manage to enter your house, you don't need to scramble around looking for a weapon. Remember,
ALWAYS AIM TO BLOW THEIR BRAINS OUT!!!
(another quick solution, burn your zombie to a crisp, although I would warn you to get out of the way to avoid burning up
If you are not near your home and do not have a weapon, quickly escape to the nearest safe place, a friends home would do
nicely. Avoid running to cities because even though that will help you, it will not help the poor souls that get bitten when
they run into the zombie. Of course, if you don't want to destroy the zombie, you can always dash off and allow the zombie
to get lost all on its own.
How Smart Are Zombies?
Zombies are perhaps, the smartest thing next to turkey's. They have absolutly no intelligance.
How Are Zombies Like Humans?
Except for the fact that zombies began as humans, there is absolutly no similarities. They have no hand-eye coordination, so
they cannot climb or swim. They do not breathe and do not bleed when cut, though blood remains in their bodies. They use
none of their organs, even the digestive track stops working. Also, they cannot heal and remain alive unless their head is
severed from the body, or the brain is completly blown out. Zombies have no emotions and are impossible to tame. Never try
to reason with a zombie, they have no response to emotion. In short, zombies are exactly what they seen: walking corpses.
What Happens If I Am Bitten By A Zombie?
Than you're dead, Zombititus has no cure. I would suggest killing yourself as soon as possible.
Your home is too unstable to support the constant strain of many zombies attacking all at once
There are too many zombies for you to kill by yourself
You have run out of supplies
When On The Run, DO NOT:
keep the sound on on electronisc devices
run to areas of high population (if there is a large Zombie attack)
run to the woods or shadowy places like that
sleep at night
let your guard down (there may be a few zombies who stumble upon you even in the most unlikeliest of places)
travel alone (unless you have no other option)
travel in groups over ten (and that's pushing it)
attack zombies unnecesarily, if you can run than that is your best bet
travel by car
attract attention to yourself, unless it's a rescue team (unlikely)
confront other people outside of your own group
try to treat anybody bitten with Zombititus, it's best to put them out of their misery
Places To Flee To:
States at least fifty miles away
Rural areas far away
Another country (overseas)
Once You Have Fled You Should:
Set up a new home
Create a community with jobs for everyone
Make the area safe in case zombies do manage to run into your new home (large chain link fences and deep ditches)
Train the proper way of fighting zombies to be prepared in case they do attack
(suggestion: do not try to warn others in your new home if they are not aware that zombies exist, many times excapees have
tried to save unknowing citizens, but ended up in the loony bin. Not a good thing when zombies attack, even if it is very
How To Survive The Horrors That Follow:
Take sleeping pills at night to avoid nightmares
Drink a lot
Slowly get used to the idea of living with zombies
Stay up all night to reassure yourself that no one is going to attack